The Art of Ambition

Some major changes recently, Decided after a moral review of my standards and who I want to be, that certain activities that I thought were morally sound are not. Deleted all downloaded music off my computer, and left myself with only music I had purchased. I am going to slowly repurchase everything I once had (not all at once, bit by bit) and buy all music in the future. While I still do not agree with the current copyright laws and system in place, for obvious reasons, IE artists getting small cut of own work, everyone else getting pieces of their pie etc.
I will look for places and systems that provide the artist with the largest percentage cut and buy from them. If no such system exists then perhaps I will have to make a project to start one up.
One of many changes made recently.

There is much to think about though, we are approaching a "post scarcity" age in terms of publishing. BOOKS, MOVIES, MUSIC, etc now can be published electronically and then redistributed for virtually no cost. How does a publishing company put a price on copy and paste when all that is used up is server cost and bandwidth...
Once a library has an electric copy of a book, then everyone can get it free? how are they supposed to function, will this dinosaur recognize that it has reached the end of its time and finally die? I doubt it. In fact the outdated model is clinging desperately to life, trying to stay in the old ways. It will take the people as a whole to support and vote through legislation preventing companies from ripping people off. How does one define the worth of something that now has "infinite" supply on a supply and demand curve. It doesn't matter what the demand is, there will always be enough.
I hope to see before I die a world where all information is free. Not like now, because now I can access virtually any information for free, but voluntarily free.
A system where Text books are on USB drives and can be accessed anywhere, for free.
Where the billions spent on military are spent on farming and making sure that food and shelter is available for all. A system where space exploration and colonization becomes the main goal of the world again. Where the heros are the scientists that find cures for diseases and capitalist blind consumerism disappears.
This is my ambition, my desire, and it can be done, logically everything is there. The resistance is not in what is available, but in how the system is being run.

The loop.

The ride starts slowly chugging forward on the triangular steel tracks, it is at this point you realize that you really did not want to ride it at all.
In fact it terrifies you, petrifies, strikes hard and deep in the muscles in your gut. Why did I ever get on? what was I thinking? Why did I listen to them? I knew this was a bad idea! Too late, halfway up the metallic mountain, you tug frantically at your seatbelt and chest guard making absolute sure they are on tight and secure. The two men behind you joke about the ride derailing or catching fire. To them it sounds light hearted and fun, but to you, a prophesy of the rise of Satan, flashes of your life fly through your mind, your hands slip on the handle drenched in your sweat. The ride creaks to a grinding halt at the very tip of, in your eyes, Everest. You see the winding maze of interlocking, interwoven, and interconnected tracks below. Other cars on the track whiz by the intersections inches away from colliding. You blackout. You are walking up some stairs now, location unknown, but inside you have this feeling, like you are close, that whatever is at the top of the stairs is going to... a wave of relief seems to flow over you. You wake back up, hands shaking from gripping the handlebars so tight, the car begins its crazed decent through the tracks labyrinth, as it accelerates you feel yourself relax. The once monstrous machine of gears and twists now looks to you no different then a flight of stairs.

turn a corner

Trying to submerge myself within the things I find most important, even if other people, or even the majority of the people i know do not find them important. This might mean some major changes and shifts in way of life. Selling and donating all but the essentials, and the things I actually use. Of course things of sentimental value and that hold memories might have to stay for awhile too. This semester I will have my associates (assuming I pass accounting II and international business.) I do not know what I want to major in, I narrowed the choices down to Psychology, Philosophy, Physics, Chemistry, and Creative writing. However none of these really fit within the goals of what I really want to do/live. I've come to realize that no one really knows me, and that is mainly my fault. I do not communicate. With anyone, in an honest and open fashion. Every time I have done so I just get burned, so I stop. So the conflict between wanting to be known, loved, and appreciated, vs. being safe, secure, and confident rages inside me. Once again opening up just led me to pain, and all I can do to keep from breaking is try to pretend like I am happy. Happy the way things are. The way they seem to always be, for me. I don't understand it, and it doesn't make sense to me. I wish it could be different. That for once it could be both ways, and not just one.

lack of motivation

"Why fight to live if we are just living to die."

i do not know really what I am trying for, or why, anymore.

Yay improv!

‎2 Improv workshops! An amazing show! Great friends and company, and getting to ride home with TJ and Susan! Learned a bunch and met a ton of people! Now for rest, and sorting out all the new information! I would say, "Extremely Successful Saturday!"

Susan Messing is a genius!
Jonathan Pitts was too!
and I took Improv workshops from both of them today!!!
No workshop with TJ but saw him perform!

Joy Joy class was very simple and the exercise in there I need to work the most on is, Yes, Thanks for noticing!
Whole body listening was intense, So much we ignore, our senses are truly powerful!
"We lie to our body, but our body does not lie to us!"
Three levels of listening, the two others being character and improver!

Woot!

Super excited to work on all this and get better and try it all out!!!

Count to 5

The Five Stages of Abandonment are: 1. Shattering: Severing of love-connection, devastation, shattering of hopes and dreams. The emotions are shock, panic, despair, feeling you can't live without your love. 2. Withdrawal: You're in painful withdrawal of love-loss, as intense as heroin withdrawal. The emotions are yearning, craving, obsessing, longing for your ex's return. 3. Internalizing: As you try to making sense of the rejection, you doubt and blame yourself. Idealizing the abandoner at your own expense, narcissistic injury sets in and fear incubates. 4. Rage: Reversing the rejection and having retaliatory feelings. Displacing anger on friends who don't understand or are critical of the abandoner leads to more unhealthy action. 5. Lifting: Rising out despair, life begins to distract you. You begin to open to love again and all its possibilities. You “SWIRL” through all the stages over and over until you emerge out the end of the tunnel a changed person capable of greater life and love than before.

....

cannot forget the promise exchanged