Truth and Freedom of speech.

http://www.reverbnation.com/artist/artist_videos/603938?sel_song_id=2923281&autoplay=1

that is all.

frisky matt

Breaking records at UPS, 259809 through the sort yesterday!!! 100 % of missorts caught and rerouted. Record broken was 230000 and a 93ish percent. LIKE A BOSS!!

march is raise month, i think ill get another 2%, maybe 5, oooo getting frisky matt, getting frisky.

Philosophy vs. Mathematics

It has often been said that mathematics is the cheapest university department to run, for all one needs is pencil, a desk and a waste paper basket. This is not so. Philosophy is cheaper still, since in philosophy we do not even need the basket.

Mindphones

So in my imaginative, and sometimes twisted view of reality, I was contemplating the term "cellphone."

Even though I see it as a metal box, one that sends and recieves radio waves, using simple processors and memory,(basically a computer in the hand for some of the newer ones) the term springs much more association in my mind. (maybe because of a biology lecture I once sat through that was all about how the cells in a body communicate.)

Anyway, I thought to myself, what if...

What if in some distant future, our biological DNA was actually engineered to allow our individual cells to have "phones" in sense of capability. An Android smart phone in each and every cell. Our generation is already exceeding the definition of multitasking. They would almost have to come up with another word for the amount of tasking that would spring forth. With such ability so much could be done, however it would take a massive amount of mental ability to be able to control and direct that much communication.
---

BUT thats not really what I wanted to write about, just setting the stage to where this idea sprung from in my mind.
Because after thinking about a "literal cell phone" for awhile, I began to think, what would the next step be?

Great, others can see exactly how I feel if I so choose through my cells etc, empathy would be at an all time high, but still an imperfect form of communication.

Mindphones. The word flashed through my head. Granted I cant take complete credit, the idea has been in several science fictions and literature in various forms. Different limitations and structures of the idea have been discussed and presented. I visualize it as a form of consensual telepathy, both parties would be able to choose what thoughts to send. It wouldnt be a whole mind scan or anything of the sort. If you don't want to send something, you dont have to.

Imagine for a moment if you will, dialing someone, sending the exact thought you wanted to send, (time place date, why plans changed, whatever,) Receiving a confirmation or rejection thought back, and not having to worry about any miscommunication. Perfect communication, what would that be like? To be able to say the things inside that you want to get out but can never find the words for, would it be a blessing? or a curse? A relief?

No misinterpretation, no language or slang barrier, just pure thought. Even the barrier of cultures would be somewhat lifted.
The implications for teaching, learning, etc would shoot through the roof. Don't understand a math problem? How much easier would it be to see the thought process play out in front of you (as fast or as slow as you want it) rather then hear someone try to explain it verbally. (especially when the majority of math teachers/professors tend to not be so skilled in terms of language)

There used to be the cell phone commercials where people misheard what was said on the other end. Purchasing a goofer, when the other person wanted a golf ball. That would be non existent.

There would never be a need to explain yourself, because the other side would be "thinking like you think," when they receive your communication.
Privacy would still exist, as you choose what you want to send, and even who you want to receive from.

I Imagine that there would be some people who would be overly revealing with the technology when it first was released. People who make their entire minds public, either for study or entertainment.
Psychology would finally have solid, sound data to work with, rather then individual data that is open for speculation.
There would also be people that would refuse to use the technology at all. In fact, some might be against it being used by anyone.

The social and economic structure, as well as the scientific community would evolve into a massive conglomerate. Conference calls by scientists without any miscommunication could quickly lead to solutions and cures to problems that would take much much longer to "talk out"


Granted I do not think this will be released in my life time (would be awesome if it was.) but I am fascinated by the idea, the implications, the problems that might arise, the successes that might occur.
I might expand on this on a later date.

one semester off

Taking one semester off school once this one is done.
I will have my associates (provided all goes well in my current classes.)
been slacking a bit of late in my academics, mainly because 2/3 classes are boring wastes of life.
I have learned something major though, two jobs i have no interest in are accounting and business. Well at least to major in, I have a natural knack for business, but the classes about business are just useless jargon to describe topics I could have pandered up with pure common sense at the ripe age of, ohhh i donno, maybe 9?
maybe i couldn't have spelled the words, but i damn sure knew the concepts, an opportunity cost was not being able to play video games because I had to do homework. Easy shit...
I'm leaning towards psychology, maybe counseling?
also still fascinated with philosophy, but ill be damned if i sit through another history of philosophy class (intro to philosophy.)
The longer I am in school the more I realize how much Bullshit our education system is.
Besides the core sciences and maths, it is all just conjuncture.
"We do it this way because thats how it has been done"
Waste of my time, I came to learn, not to be told what to do. While yes, 1% of these bullshit classes might come with a nugget of wisdom, for the most part they are just crafty rearranging of facts, analysis of systems with new sets of vocab.
Trust me I know how to analyse a system... learned that plenty from video games, little hand held strategy games that all have new sets of vocab, except one major difference THEY ARE ACTUALLY FUN!

I need a break, i can only fake a smile through bullshit for so long, my acting classes have been the only things keeping me even trying in school. But even that is frustrating, because, knowing all the words terms and mental work, but not being able to do it viscerally in the form of a monologue, so frustrating. I put all this work into it and end up going audition to audition with nothing to show for it. Getting the "artificial stakes" to become a reality in my body is quite a challenge for me.

Although the Improv comedy is going well, i am in the college Improv tournament this Saturday.

I am pretty sure ill figure something out, but i really want to stop wasting my time and energy in the meantime while i decide exactly what I want to major in. Stay working, go to KCACTF and just keep my schedule open and free until i decide i guess...

The Art of Ambition

Some major changes recently, Decided after a moral review of my standards and who I want to be, that certain activities that I thought were morally sound are not. Deleted all downloaded music off my computer, and left myself with only music I had purchased. I am going to slowly repurchase everything I once had (not all at once, bit by bit) and buy all music in the future. While I still do not agree with the current copyright laws and system in place, for obvious reasons, IE artists getting small cut of own work, everyone else getting pieces of their pie etc.
I will look for places and systems that provide the artist with the largest percentage cut and buy from them. If no such system exists then perhaps I will have to make a project to start one up.
One of many changes made recently.

There is much to think about though, we are approaching a "post scarcity" age in terms of publishing. BOOKS, MOVIES, MUSIC, etc now can be published electronically and then redistributed for virtually no cost. How does a publishing company put a price on copy and paste when all that is used up is server cost and bandwidth...
Once a library has an electric copy of a book, then everyone can get it free? how are they supposed to function, will this dinosaur recognize that it has reached the end of its time and finally die? I doubt it. In fact the outdated model is clinging desperately to life, trying to stay in the old ways. It will take the people as a whole to support and vote through legislation preventing companies from ripping people off. How does one define the worth of something that now has "infinite" supply on a supply and demand curve. It doesn't matter what the demand is, there will always be enough.
I hope to see before I die a world where all information is free. Not like now, because now I can access virtually any information for free, but voluntarily free.
A system where Text books are on USB drives and can be accessed anywhere, for free.
Where the billions spent on military are spent on farming and making sure that food and shelter is available for all. A system where space exploration and colonization becomes the main goal of the world again. Where the heros are the scientists that find cures for diseases and capitalist blind consumerism disappears.
This is my ambition, my desire, and it can be done, logically everything is there. The resistance is not in what is available, but in how the system is being run.

The loop.

The ride starts slowly chugging forward on the triangular steel tracks, it is at this point you realize that you really did not want to ride it at all.
In fact it terrifies you, petrifies, strikes hard and deep in the muscles in your gut. Why did I ever get on? what was I thinking? Why did I listen to them? I knew this was a bad idea! Too late, halfway up the metallic mountain, you tug frantically at your seatbelt and chest guard making absolute sure they are on tight and secure. The two men behind you joke about the ride derailing or catching fire. To them it sounds light hearted and fun, but to you, a prophesy of the rise of Satan, flashes of your life fly through your mind, your hands slip on the handle drenched in your sweat. The ride creaks to a grinding halt at the very tip of, in your eyes, Everest. You see the winding maze of interlocking, interwoven, and interconnected tracks below. Other cars on the track whiz by the intersections inches away from colliding. You blackout. You are walking up some stairs now, location unknown, but inside you have this feeling, like you are close, that whatever is at the top of the stairs is going to... a wave of relief seems to flow over you. You wake back up, hands shaking from gripping the handlebars so tight, the car begins its crazed decent through the tracks labyrinth, as it accelerates you feel yourself relax. The once monstrous machine of gears and twists now looks to you no different then a flight of stairs.

turn a corner

Trying to submerge myself within the things I find most important, even if other people, or even the majority of the people i know do not find them important. This might mean some major changes and shifts in way of life. Selling and donating all but the essentials, and the things I actually use. Of course things of sentimental value and that hold memories might have to stay for awhile too. This semester I will have my associates (assuming I pass accounting II and international business.) I do not know what I want to major in, I narrowed the choices down to Psychology, Philosophy, Physics, Chemistry, and Creative writing. However none of these really fit within the goals of what I really want to do/live. I've come to realize that no one really knows me, and that is mainly my fault. I do not communicate. With anyone, in an honest and open fashion. Every time I have done so I just get burned, so I stop. So the conflict between wanting to be known, loved, and appreciated, vs. being safe, secure, and confident rages inside me. Once again opening up just led me to pain, and all I can do to keep from breaking is try to pretend like I am happy. Happy the way things are. The way they seem to always be, for me. I don't understand it, and it doesn't make sense to me. I wish it could be different. That for once it could be both ways, and not just one.

lack of motivation

"Why fight to live if we are just living to die."

i do not know really what I am trying for, or why, anymore.

Yay improv!

‎2 Improv workshops! An amazing show! Great friends and company, and getting to ride home with TJ and Susan! Learned a bunch and met a ton of people! Now for rest, and sorting out all the new information! I would say, "Extremely Successful Saturday!"

Susan Messing is a genius!
Jonathan Pitts was too!
and I took Improv workshops from both of them today!!!
No workshop with TJ but saw him perform!

Joy Joy class was very simple and the exercise in there I need to work the most on is, Yes, Thanks for noticing!
Whole body listening was intense, So much we ignore, our senses are truly powerful!
"We lie to our body, but our body does not lie to us!"
Three levels of listening, the two others being character and improver!

Woot!

Super excited to work on all this and get better and try it all out!!!

Count to 5

The Five Stages of Abandonment are: 1. Shattering: Severing of love-connection, devastation, shattering of hopes and dreams. The emotions are shock, panic, despair, feeling you can't live without your love. 2. Withdrawal: You're in painful withdrawal of love-loss, as intense as heroin withdrawal. The emotions are yearning, craving, obsessing, longing for your ex's return. 3. Internalizing: As you try to making sense of the rejection, you doubt and blame yourself. Idealizing the abandoner at your own expense, narcissistic injury sets in and fear incubates. 4. Rage: Reversing the rejection and having retaliatory feelings. Displacing anger on friends who don't understand or are critical of the abandoner leads to more unhealthy action. 5. Lifting: Rising out despair, life begins to distract you. You begin to open to love again and all its possibilities. You “SWIRL” through all the stages over and over until you emerge out the end of the tunnel a changed person capable of greater life and love than before.

....

cannot forget the promise exchanged

138

Well this weekend went pretty well! Friday night hung out with Sarah, joey's party got cancelled so we quickly improvised new plans. I took her to spin, a very nice pizza place that has a great atmosphere. We finished reading the little prince and chatted and flirted and such. The night overall was good, I learned quite a bit.
Saturday I took care of the tree branch that fell in our yard, i sawed away at it for a good hour or two, bagged it up for the garbage man, and then set it aside for pickup day. I then worked on my monologue for auditions. Hopeing for the role of Gene in "A devil inside." Sarah came over again to chill and we watched fried green tomatoes. She is a total cutie. I always feel so blessed to have her in my life. Today I worked more on the monologue and ACI classes. Improv rehearsal was cancelled today. I have really bad gas right now, probably from that garlic pizza, literally had to leave the room it was so bad. Good thing i am by myself right now LOL.
Going to meet some friends for drinks tonight and reread my monologue a few more times before bed, work in the morning yippie love the scan room.

I know

i know that i am trustworthy, a good person,
i want to still strive to be a better person.

I am sleepy.

Scan room

well 100% to day all around

boooyyaaahhsacckkaaaa

This Friday Me and Sarah tried to take a profile picture for Facebook, i cant remember what was said but we both started cracking up, even though it is really blurry i really like this picture.
I love spending time with her, but it always seems to pass so quick. I really wish i could see her more.

AOOOOO

I made audition for anomaly orange!! I am now on a troop and will be able to perform more often and such.
It is an exciting new chapter in the acting world, one step closer to SNL.

Work went well today, ran the two man show more or less by myself. 100% day for the second day in a row!

After work i chillaxed with Sarah and we watched movies, it was a good night.


Grammy is in a foul mood because of enrollment for her studio all day, but i refused to let it effect me, and refused to let her bring me down.

Tomorrow is going to be a good day =)

So much to learn, so much to teach

There is so much information and subjects to discover, to learn to teach.

The world is so fascinating.


There is so much to love, so many people to help, in so many ways.


This life is a life of opportunity.
I must not waste it.

Be still my mind.

be still

whoa...

my best friend in grade school just graduated med school. Holy shit. I still have one semester of my associates degree left. Well 3 hours actually but i decided to do two electives with the last class for the hell of it.
Still though. I do not even know what i want to do after the associates is finished.
Started considering electrical engineering again but with the economy the way it is i would have no promise of getting hired. Theater would be interesting if i could get a break in, and then someday do film. Film acting to me would be the dream job. It is such a risky jump though. I might after this semester is finished take a semester off of school and just work for a while. Maybe use the freed up time to audition and study Buddhism and read books. I don't know. Got to play it by ear i guess.

Perfect Sunday

Waking up early to go to the Rime Center for some meditation and chanting. I try to go twice a year even though i prefer to practice on my own.
Cruising down the highway with the window down and then arm out the window on a sunny summers day, such a wonderful feeling. Grabbed some lunch at panera, they have the best bagels, everything bagel with cream cheese spread new york style. An Italian sandwich, and a Carmel freeze.
Sarah is coming over later today to chill.
This is looking like the perfect Sunday. =D

Work ramblings.

Covering an area for someone else today, 10 door area.
3 people called in. I was left with three pickoffs and 3 loaders.
Three loaders for a 6 destination belt.

CHAOS of course wrapped its loving arms around me today. We immediately got backed up as i called all other areas for help. Shit.
Well after 45 minutes I get my first helper. Unfortunately by then Omaha was backed up clear to the pickoffs so i couldn't get him in a 4 destination to load and had to have him help with Omaha. Fuck.
30 minutes later I get 3 more people, but the damage was done, we were already off are feet and behind the flow. I now had all 6 destinations covered but no one for the floors.
I had to go around asking everyone to step it up because we needed to get caught up ASAP.
2 hours later we are caught up in the trailers but the floors are covered with carts of irregulars to be put up.
CHAOS.

All and all I played off the hand I was dealt decently. It was a shitty hand, but all together I managed to keep my cool all day, and do my best to keep all the variables in a line. My areas numbers no doubt looked horrible, but everyone worked hard until the heat exhaustion set in at the end of the day.
I had support from other supervisors from time to time. Next week I begin my "permanent" move into the scan room. They are going to train me on the computer system in there and i will be fixing equipment and information errors in the system, as well as my previous job in there of stopping and preventing missorts during the shift.

Should be interesting.

Namaste

Inception layer 3

Seen inception THREE TIMES!
IT IS SO GOOD!
Afterwards played deadliest warrior at a friends house for a few hours. Epic game, all about timing and pretty accurate to real combat in some regards.
Talking about many different subjects and enjoying the night.
Tons of projects to finish for school tomorrow. =)
Then Sarah might be joining me for some chill time once the work is all done.
Looks like the beginnings of a wonderful weekend =)
oh and work went swimmingly today, orange belt ran like a dream, 0 excess hours, no missorts, like a dream.

BLT

BLTs have never tasted so good. It took me forever to get the movie started. The night flew by,I do not have to wonder why.

Monday night, she said yes.

Late night walk through downtown and around the neighborhood, perfect temperature for a stroll. Trying to catch lightning bugs and dancing through the park. You made me wait for your answer, but I am happy you did, it made me that much more aware of how much your answer mattered to me. Tomorrow is going to be a blast, I am excited. The future is wide open.

Slowly getting everything caught up, summer semester is almost over, I will have my associates finished finally. Now I just have to figure out what I want to do with my life...

Lazy perfect sunday

Henry the abstract coffee moose!

Sunday was filled with sleep and laziness, and then a wonderful trip to starbucks with a lady friend. Enjoyed joking around and talking for about an hour and then went for a walk in the summer heat. Explored a little bit of JCCC and found a train that had been converted into a classroom. Listened to music and then parted ways for the day. Went to a rock show to watch my friend Brandon play, it was quite a good show. Got home and did some laundry and reflected on the day. One of the best days I have had in a long time.

=)

Inception!

Been looking forward to this movie! It was great!!! So going to buy it when it comes out on DVD!
Also had great company with a great friend! Lots of talk and discussion, and much was learned on my side of the conversation.
I love learning. I love teaching.
Going to have a productive Saturday! And probably Sunday as well. Productivity YAY. Going to get as much Homework and Housework as possible done tomorrow. All the chores and tasks. To-do lists crossed off, responsibilities, and commitments met.
Glad it is the weekend. Glad that I know the people I know.
Glad that I am blessed with all these things, and have so many people to care about and care about me. Glad that I am given the opportunity to share these joys with others.
I am glad!

Thunderdome and candy cane hookah

Great comedy all the way around, three strong troops and it was hard to vote for a winner. But I think the right troop won. Much fun was had by all and we all wore fake or drawn on mustaches. We had to split up after the show because not all were 21, but that was ok. Instead we went to the hookah bar and got candy cane flavored smoke. Sinbad's has such a great atmosphere and the people that work there are super nice. Great conversation was had, many laughs. It was an amazing night.



Me with tres amazing amigas.

Six flavors of emptiness

To the best of my knowledge, this is true. Taken and paraphrased from Geshe Michael Roach's lecture on Mahamudra.


Flavor # 1
Wrong View:Things stay the same for a while

Antidote: Things are constantly changing every second.
---
Flavor # 2

Wrong View: I own this I control its fate.

Antidote: Absolutely nothing in the present moment is in my control.
---
Flavor # 3

Wrong View: I am at the mercy of things randomly happening to me.

Antidote: One past deed caused both the object and myself who perceives it at this moment.
---
Flavor # 4

Wrong View: Things are exactly how I see them. (Good or bad etc.)

Antidote: I am judging, things could be different.
---
Flavor # 5

Wrong view: Things have their own side (This computer is acting like a computer as I read this...)

Antidote: Half own side, half my perceptions.
---
Flavor # 6

Wrong view : There is some part of the object that comes from its own side.

Antidote: It is all only my projection.
---

Only one of these flavors is true emptiness. Everything is empty.
Three people can be sitting around a table playing poker. In the middle of them is a glass of liquid. All three look at the glass of liquid, one being a human, sees the glass as being filled with water. The second being a hungry ghost or preta, sees a glass of blood and pus, and is repulsed by the glass. The third is a godly being, and sees the glass as being filled with the elixir of life, capable of increasing the life span by 1000 years with one sip.

All three see different things, all three's views are valid.

What causes this? Flavor # 6.
This was part of a paraphrased lecture. Below this line is a thought process I had after this lecture, when thinking about it.



So what would an enlightened being see? Would Buddha, see all three beings at the table with the glass of liquid, all three sending out their own projections(seeds), and receiving there past results (ripened plant.) Would he see all threes projections and how they see them, along with his own projections and understanding of emptiness?

Basically would he recognize it all to be inherently the same? That our projections and our attachments to them cause the pain. That our world view of an outside world that does not change, that we control, and is good. Or whatever view we hold, is just and illusion we project. That this ignorance can spiral into projections that lead to different ignorances.

Or does the Buddha recognize even this, as a projection.

I think it is the last one, knowing that even right here and now, is just a projection coming back to you, and if you are clever, and i am sure you are, you might remember great realizations you project back to yourself.
That it is all empty, and with time, you can free all people from suffering, including yourself, by changing your reactions, to your projections, coming back to you. You can't give away karma, but you can communicate to others on how to escape suffering. Communicate how to change behaviors in order to not deal out harmful projections.
If stepping on a bug caused your rib to crack instantly, I bet you would not do it. But the time tables are not that simple as instant. It works more like a garden, what you plant will grow, that you try not to plant will not as easily, and that you do not plant at all, will never grow.

So in summery,

Do not kill.
Do not steal.
Do not lie.
Do your best.
Do right.
Treat others how you would want to be treated.
Be loyal in relationships and friendships.
Refrain from harmful speech.

Choose one you do and stop doing it. Regret doing it. Try doing the opposite (if you kill bugs alot, try protecting life instead, ants, beetles, anything.) all while thinking about emptiness,
watch your world start to transform.

I hope this is informative in some way, I hope it helps in some way, I hope that all sentient beings can be free from suffering, and never separated from happiness.

Much love,

Matt

Good Times

Amazing show last night! Reminiscing on some great times i have had so far this year, Life is good. Wish I was not so busy sometimes so I could have more time to hang out with everyone, never enough time to fit everyone in.
36 hour days would be amazing. Yea that is what we should do. =)

AB

Having a gun pulled on you is quite exhilarating. Funny thing is, I already miss the high of the adrenaline.
Really pulls you fully into a moment. Time stands still and your mental captures the whole scene at a mega-pixel level higher then any digital camera. Every grain of the wall behind, every twitch and motion of the face.
Pure anticipation, the seconds tick by, but each tick feels like a brick being dropped.
The barrel of the gun flashes and you wake up.

LOGOS

Logorama from Marc Altshuler - Human Music on Vimeo.

I spent a long time in high school studying computer graphics, effective logos, and advertising. This short animated film is a goldmine of some of the best and most recognizable logos in existence. There were only a few that I could not identify.
This film won a 2010 academy award under the category of animated short.
Packed with action and social commentary that you do not want to miss, made even more relevant by the recent BP oil spill. Film was released in 2009. I hope you enjoy it as much as I did.

But sometimes that just ain't enough...

accounting aka elementary math

I hate the education system, lets teach the same thing a different way with different terminology and call it a different subject. YA CASH COW IDEA!
This shit is easy, I have known it since around 5th grade. Fuck accounting.

Ok go...

Hell Ya - bloodhound gang

Alright now boys and girls we've got another story for you now!
We want to introduce to you another friend of the Bible!

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

If I were God there would be no explicit sex on T.V.
Like little Opie eating pie when he made it with Aunt Bea

If I were God thou shall not worship false Billy Idols
And thou shall add the Book Of Flavor Flav to the Bible
Thou shall make fun of Hindus thou shall not make a "Speed 2"
If I were God that's what I'd do Heavens no

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

If I were God I'd get a bunch of slaves to do everything
Norwegian lesbians that feed me grapes and know how to sing

If I were God thou shall not wear tube socks with Flip-Flops
Thou shall sit and thou shall spin thou shall even wife swap
Thou shall resist the Olsen Twins, thou shall not cut "Footloose"
If I were God that's what I'd do, Heavens no

Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah
Hell yeah

And when they nail my pimpled ass to the cross
I'll tell them I found Jesus that should throw them off
He goes by the name Jesus and steals hubcaps from cars
Oh Jesus can I borrow your crowbar?
To pry these God damn nails out they're beginning to hurt
Crucified and all I got was this lousy T-shirt
"I Can't Believe It's Not Butter!" I'll sing as I'm flogged
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God
So vote for me for Savior and you'll go to Heaven
Your lame duck Lord is like Kevin Spacey in "Seven"
With creepy threats of H-E-Double-Hockey-Stick
You just can't teach an old God new tricks
But would I be a good Messiah with my low self-esteem?
If I don't believe in myself would that be blasphemy?
Just sport some crummy "holier than thou" facade
Yeah that's what I would do if I were God

Starting off vacation the right way.

First night of vacation last night, went out to celebrate my friend Eric's 21st. Met his family and some of his friends and commenced a night of getting him as drunk as can be. Got him 3 mini shots and a 750ml of peppermint schnapps as his gift. He took one shot before even going into the bar. A night of craziness ensued, played flip cup with a table of complete strangers and Bob one of Eric's friends, and Wes Eric's brother. I hit the cup first try all three rounds. Physics FTW. Eric's Mom got me two shots to take with the family. Plus I took several shots with Eric. B-52, sex on the beach, red headed slut, and plenty of beer.
Met some cool people and headed back to Eric's place because I was way too gone to drive. It has been a long time since I have been drunk enough to consider sleeping on the floor comfortable. No hangover though, so that's good. Going to spend the rest of the week reading, watching movies, plays, and hanging out. Not having a schedule rocks. Maybe some fallout 3 if i can get the Xbox360 to hook to the ancient TV. Once it stops raining I might also go for a run.

Can't help but laugh

Too lazy to make a new blogpost so just gonna recycle a facebook note from earlier today.

It is funny, no really it is. Looking at it objectively I know it is. Subjectively however is a completely different story. Maybe it is supposed to be this way, maybe it is not. It has been this way for a long time, and I have tried so many different ways to remove the issue.
Nothing seems to work.
Sometimes it makes me want to punch walls, flip tables, and destroy anything and everything. I get so frustrated there is no real way to describe. I never do though. Always maintain self control. Always.
Bottle it up, and move on.
Other times I am more apathetic. Only so many times before the jade sets in and I see it, I acknowledge it, but I just dont care. Not anymore. Forget bottling, just damn the damn stream.
No emotion, why feel?
And still there are other times when somehow I get some sick masochistic pleasure out of it. If nothing else it reminds me that I am alive, aware, and still kicking.


But the bottom line is no one really gives a shit. They really dont. Everyday people ask me how are you? How you doing? Do you really think they want the honest answer when it is anything except "I am doing good how about yourself?" Fuck no they dont. Give them your problems and all they will be thinking is who is this person I have enough problems of my own.
Society has trained us to lie. To others and to ourselves.
I used to think maybe there was a way to change this. But the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over expecting the same results. I am done. I wish I could just wave my magic wand and change the world, but it seems pretty hopeless to me. Perhaps morality is dead. Perhaps I am hanging on to a dying idea. Perhaps I am just not good enough. I do not know what the reason is, I just know what is. I will destroy it. It will end with me.

Pay attention

First-year students at Med School were receiving their first Anatomy class with a real dead human body.

They all gathered around the surgery table with the body covered with a white sheet.

The professor started the class by telling them: “In medicine, it is necessary to have 2 important qualities as a doctor. The first is That you not be disgusted by anything involving the human body.” For an example, the Professor pulled back the sheet, stuck his finger in the butt of the corpse, withdrew it and stuck his finger in his mouth. "Go ahead and do the same thing,” he told his students. The students freaked out, hesitated for several minutes, but eventually took turns sticking a finger in the butt of the dead body and sucking on it.

When everyone had finished, the Professor looked at them and told them, “The second most important quality is observation. I stuck in my Middle finger and sucked on my index finger. Now learn to pay attention.”

Run School Work Run Work School

Well hello summer classes, goodbye free time.

Reading a lot.

Wheres my mind?

CHOP CUP from :weareom: on Vimeo.

To solder or desolder that is the question!

Well the TV project = big fail.

I finally got the parts in the mail, soldered them on the board. Plugged the board back in, screwed everything together and voila the TV comes on.... For 31 minutes.... same problem. Oh well I taught myself how to solder and desolder, and did it correctly because the TV actually came on still. If I knew what was wrong with the TV maybe I could fix it but since I have no clue now, it is going to stay broken.

Granted I could replace every god damned capacitor but just switching out two took 20 minutes with my amateur skills.

So heres the run down,

solder gun 20$

Solder wick 3$

fire extinguisher (just in case) 20$

Wire clippers and star bit screwdriver 15$

58$ total in attempting to fix it.

Xbox 360 works fine though so thats a +199

overall came ahead 140$ plus I can keep all the tools in case I ever need to use them again.

TV will be taking a permanent vacation to the dumpster.

End project.

Work today I got trained in a new position, setting me up to cover another co-worker when he goes on vacation. I can do just about anything there now. In two months it will be a year since I got promoted. I have learned sooooo much. Honestly a great experience.

Running is going well I guess, School is about to start back up.

Back to the perpetual circle of life I guess.

From Nick from Britanic

Epic HIGH SCHOOL graduation speech, from Nick of the comedy duo Britanick!

The pronunciation test, try and read this beast out load

“ If you can pronounce correctly every word in this poem, you will be speaking English better than 90% of the native English speakers in the world. After trying the verses, a Frenchman said he'd prefer six months of hard labour to reading six lines aloud. Try them yourself. (Если вы сможете правильно произнести каждое слово в этом стихотворении, значит вы говорите по английски лучше чем 90% тех для кого этот язык родной. Один француз, попытавшись это прочесть, заявил что он предпочтет 6 месяцев каторги, нежели прочесть 6 строк.) Dearest creature in creation, Study English pronunciation. I will teach you in my verse Sounds like corpse, corps, horse, and worse. I will keep you, Suzy, busy, Make your head with heat grow dizzy. Tear in eye, your dress will tear. So shall I! Oh hear my prayer. Just compare heart, beard, and heard, Dies and diet, lord and word, Sword and sward, retain and Britain. (Mind the latter, how it's written.) Now I surely will not plague you With such words as plaque and ague. But be careful how you speak: Say break and steak, but bleak and streak; Cloven, oven, how and low, Script, receipt, show, poem, and toe. Hear me say, devoid of trickery, Daughter, laughter, and Terpsichore, Typhoid, measles, topsails, aisles, Exiles, similes, and reviles; Scholar, vicar, and cigar, Solar, mica, war and far; One, anemone, Balmoral, Kitchen, lichen, laundry, laurel; Gertrude, German, wind and mind, Scene, Melpomene, mankind. Billet does not rhyme with ballet, Bouquet, wallet, mallet, chalet. Blood and flood are not like food, Nor is mould like should and would. Viscous, viscount, load and broad, Toward, to forward, to reward. And your pronunciation's OK When you correctly say croquet, Rounded, wounded, grieve and sieve, Friend and fiend, alive and live. Ivy, privy, famous; clamour And enamour rhyme with hammer. River, rival, tomb, bomb, comb, Doll and roll and some and home. Stranger does not rhyme with anger, Neither does devour with clangour. Souls but foul, haunt but aunt, Font, front, wont, want, grand, and grant, Shoes, goes, does. Now first say finger, And then singer, ginger, linger, Real, zeal, mauve, gauze, gouge and gauge, Marriage, foliage, mirage, and age. Query does not rhyme with very, Nor does fury sound like bury. Dost, lost, post and doth, cloth, loth. Job, nob, bosom, transom, oath. Though the differences seem little, We say actual but victual. Refer does not rhyme with deafer. Foeffer does, and zephyr, heifer. Mint, pint, senate and sedate; Dull, bull, and George ate late. Scenic, Arabic, Pacific, Science, conscience, scientific. Liberty, library, heave and heaven, Rachel, ache, moustache, eleven. We say hallowed, but allowed, People, leopard, towed, but vowed. Mark the differences, moreover, Between mover, cover, clover; Leeches, breeches, wise, precise, Chalice, but police and lice; Camel, constable, unstable, Principle, disciple, label. Petal, panel, and canal, Wait, surprise, plait, promise, pal. Worm and storm, chaise, chaos, chair, Senator, spectator, mayor. Tour, but our and succour, four. Gas, alas, and Arkansas. Sea, idea, Korea, area, Psalm, Maria, but malaria. Youth, south, southern, cleanse and clean. Doctrine, turpentine, marine. Compare alien with Italian, Dandelion and battalion. Sally with ally, yea, ye, Eye, I, ay, aye, whey, and key. Say aver, but ever, fever, Neither, leisure, skein, deceiver. Heron, granary, canary. Crevice and device and aerie. Face, but preface, not efface. Phlegm, phlegmatic, ass, glass, bass. Large, but target, gin, give, verging, Ought, out, joust and scour, scourging. Ear, but earn and wear and tear Do not rhyme with here but ere. Seven is right, but so is even, Hyphen, roughen, nephew Stephen, Monkey, donkey, Turk and jerk, Ask, grasp, wasp, and cork and work. Pronunciation (think of Psyche!) Is a paling stout and spikey? Won't it make you lose your wits, Writing groats and saying grits? It's a dark abyss or tunnel: Strewn with stones, stowed, solace, gunwale, Islington and Isle of Wight, Housewife, verdict and indict. Finally, which rhymes with enough, Though, through, plough, or dough, or cough? Hiccough has the sound of cup. My advice is to give up!!! -- B. Shaw

You Statements

TV unsoldering was tricky, and I dont know if i did it right, i dont think I damaged the board though. I hope I didnt at least... parts are on the way then the moment of truth.

Improv was interesting today, learned a lot, excited to try out the new techniques. Great play as well, I am glad I went to see it. Quite a high level of intensity.

I wish I was better at expressing myself. So much I wanted to ask but couldn't. I just had to get out. I kinda saw it coming. Wanted to do as the saying referred to in the play, but never stated; Expect the worst, hope for the best. There is a ton I dont say. Everything just stays inside. Opening up for me is a ridiculously slow process. Honesty is something I value extremely, this combined with everything else makes me horrible at being romantic. Even though deep down that is what I am inside. Just rarely comes out. I have trust issues I guess. Not expecting this to change anything, just thought you should know.

Levels!!!

Overall a great day (and night!) Three Days of rest might end up just being two days of activities, Sat and Sun at least for sure. Monday though some much needed rest. Organize myself and my thoughts. Keep working towards my goals.

And living my three favorite rules,

Do your best. Do right. Treat others how you would like to be treated.

I've found myself slipping at times and am determined to pull in the slack.

Mostly little things, like tone and what I say.

But the little things can at times have big impact.

As such I must do as Gandhi once said.

You must be the change you wish to see in the world. -Mahatma Gandhi.

Gambling = Not my thing

Work today UPS sealed a large account with JC Penny, as a result the uppity ups from JC Penny were up to visit UPS. We now ship all of their merchandise, previously it was a combination of us, USPS and FedEx. My Co-worker Bill had to give a tour and I helped him with some ideas for ways to present the Missort Tool. I do not know if he will use any but at least he has them just in case. Together we eliminated a problem of a large group of zip codes coming up that were not actual missorts. Hope his tour goes well for him.

After dinner my grandma took me out on my much delayed birthday present! To argosy casino, where I very quickly lost my allotted 60$ I had decided would be my limit. It was an interesting place, not quite the insanity of Vegas, but very people watching friendly.

I narrowed it down to 3 main sub groups of people.

Level I - There for fun, doesn't care if they win or lose.

Level II - There to win, frustration and anger for any losses

and THE OMEGA LEVEL only 7 people I observed fit into this level, but I could tell they had something big riding on their bets. I do not know if they were trying to win to keep from being evicted or what, but they RADIATED desperation. Felt pretty bad for those folk.

So anyways I am playing the slots and watching the pretty symbols flash all around, and I hear an announcement: "Congratulations to Jeremy N. who just won 4,555$ on the Giant Ruby Sevens Machine!!" I look up and watch as several people get up and move to those machines.

Instant comedy sketch in my mind, Something that one would see in Futurama perhaps.

"Congratulations to Mike G. who just won 7,459$ on the Bait and Switch Machine!!"

Large group of people shuffle to machines

"Congratulations to Sarah E. who just won 2,151$ on the No Risk Zero Odds Machine!!!"

Large group of people shuffle to machines

"Congratulations to John L. who just won 2,151$ on the Sullivan Nod's to sleep Machine!!!"

Large group of people shuffle to machines

and so on and so forth...

Some cool guy at the bar purchased me a drink for no reason, and disappeared into the forest of slot machines.

My Grandma lost 20 at the tables and won 51 at the slots.

All you can eat crab legs... mmmm

Little bragging?

The best thing is knowing I would have had an A in acting if I didn't go to Chicago for a week!

But hey, i will take a B for the class without any complaint!

The A in econ was a bit of a surprise with the quiz fiasco at the end of the semester.

POS though, I had that in the bag from day 1!

Credit-Undergraduate Course work

CRN	Subject	Course	Section	Course Title	Campus	Final Grade	Attempted	Earned	GPA Hours	Quality Points
10238	BUS	140	002	Principles of Supervision	Main Campus	A	3.000	3.000	3.000	12.00
12492	ECON	230	012	Economics I	Main Campus	A	3.000	3.000	3.000	12.00
10632	THEA	230	001	Acting II	Main Campus	B	3.000	3.000	3.000	9.00

Good Bye Lost

Farewell lost! Great way to wrap it all up!

Also TV is about two days from being 100% fixed (hopefully) just got to desolder and purchase two capacitors and re solder them on. Then reattach the power board and it will be A ok.

Good Weekend.

Start running Tuesday! Downloaded a phone app to keep track of time, speed, distance, and goals. That way i dont have to measure everything out myself.

O technology how I love thee.

"My brain has become a collision course of random thoughts. Some trivial, but some well worth the wonder.

Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind.

I'm not sure of anything anymore. It's the same anxiety I have when I think I've forgotten how to tie my tie or tie my shoelaces or I've forgotten how to swallow my food and I'm going to choke on it.

Three days ago I was standing in front of our bathroom mirror in terror because I couldn't knot my tie. I wanted to say, "Sally, please come in here and help me."

But I couldn't.

What would she have thought?

Last night I spit a piece of steak into my napkin rather than risk swallowing it, because I was afraid I would choke.

Maybe it's trivial and that's why no one wants to talk about it, so I'm talking to myself. No one wants to listen to who we really are. Know somebody really. Know you leave shit stains in your underwear and pick your nose.

Tell a woman you've forgotten how to swallow your food and she's in her car and out of your life before you can say, "Wait, there's more."

Sometimes I have to think about someone else when I'm with you because I'm afraid I won't stay hard if I don't.

Or how much I want to fuck the teenage daughter of the couple that lives three doors down.

How my father takes all the air out of the room and I can't breathe when I'm with him.

How if I could tear my breast open and rip out my heart and feed it to these sea gulls in little raw pieces, that pain would be nothing to the one I already feel, the pain of your betrayal!

How most afraid I am of losing you.

How can I tell you these things and there be love?" --Sam Lips Together, Teeth Apart

by Terrence McNally

Choice Sheet ... check

Resume ........... check

Final Monologue back brain .... check

Last final of the semester. Thinking this semester is going to be straight B's.

Last three semester have been honor roll semesters but not this time. (well if I get the A i think I am hinging on in POS i might still make honor roll. That is a close one though...)

If not this time then next semester.

Really haven't felt attached to the school work lately. Time is approaching again when I have to decide what I want to major in. Or if I even want to continue college at all...

Busy weekend with the show and the going away party and the season finale of lost, and then a Daria watch party Monday. Plus dentist Monday morning... ew dentists... Looking foward to all of that except the dentist.

Next week the plan is to clean my room, office area, and go through all my cloths and pile all the ones I no longer wear or like wearing into a pile to donate to the Salvation army or some charity that wants/needs cloths. To start running again, a mile a day before work. Will most likely start out with a half a mile and work back up. I want to get back to the 6 minute mile. Once Back at the 6 minute mile I will probably start lifting again. I have been informed that there is an indoor track at JCCC. So this winter I need to make sure to stay at it. My body is approaching the point where It is harder to trim off the edges. So hibernating every winter is not going to be applicable anymore.

Longer term over the summer I want to find my own place. Studio apartment somewhere maybe, possibly follow up with the people who said they were interested in having me as a roommate.

One of these days I need to visit the chiropractor. I started to go about two months ago but ditched out because I was scared of what he/she might find. My back is not hurting bad. But it does hurt. Lower to mid-back. Sleeping becomes a hassle because I cannot lay in anyway and be comfortable. Standing and sitting is fine. It is just laying down. Maybe running will help with that.

Kind of a sketch of my plans there. More written out to organize my thoughts for myself really so probably a boring read. Oh well.

Corperate America

To change the world for the better.
One sentence, my life goal, to know that when I die, My life in someway made the world better then if I had never existed at all.
Broad goal, lots of different ways to tackle it, but I do not want to just do the small stuff, I want to go big.
The last 2 -3 years I have been thinking, exploring, and wondering what way I am going to approach this goal. World hunger? Cure for AIDS? An invention that changes the landscape?
I think that my experience in the corporate world has led me to the task at hand though.
The Corporate mentality, you are just a number, I am just a number. The more numbers that we can produce the better. The less we can pay you to produce those numbers the better. Profit is America's new God.
It does not matter if someone is struggling to pay there rent, raise a family, contribute to their local community. They are a number, and if the organization decides to downsize, they lose their job.
It does not matter to the corporation that the persons in questions results are excellent, that they come in everyday and work their asses off.
A number. A number that costs money. That's how they view workers, managers, upper managers, all the way up to the CEO.
This mentality is flawed. In so many ways. It demeans people, sure it is for the customer it is for people. Cheaper prices, a consumerist paradise. At what cost?
What substitutions could be put in place? Does running a profitable business have the prerequisite that you forfeit your soul? How can this problem be fixed, not for one corporation but for all corporations?
Civilization will eventually reach a state of teamwork, competitive economics will at some point have to die. All humans, working together as a unit, rather then against each other. Raising with the masses instead of from them.
Before this can happen of course we must solve the problem we face of limited resources. As long as we do not have enough for everyone there will be competition and those without.
This might not happen in my lifetime, but we have a humongous power plant just 8 light minutes away. If we could figure out how to harness even 75% of the total power being emitted by our sun (not talking solar panels.) daily energy shortages would become a thing of science fiction. Once energy becomes that plentiful all it would take is some improvements in robotic technology and life as we know it would drastically change. (better? worse?)
The sun releases 3.83×10²⁶ W of energy, or 9.15 × 10¹⁰ megatons of TNT per second. 3.36 x 10^{^11}W is approximately how much energy the Nuclear power plants in the world currently produce. That is an order of magnitude of 15.
Maybe I should try going into engineering.

Improv and Friends!

Today I slept in till 9, then went back to sleep till 10, promised myself I would get up at 11, rolled back over and woke up at 3, said "ok what do i need to do today?" read-off aloud to myself a list of stuff that must be done, but fell asleep during the reading off of the list. Woke up at 4, realized, Oh man I have improv in a half hour! Jumped out of bed and had a marvelous Improv rehearsal.

At first I thought I was being lazy and procrastinating, then I realized I just wanted to start off the day with fun and then move to chores.... hmmm still need to put that laundry in... went to jimmy johns with friends after the show, mmmmm jimmy johns. I swear they are not paying me to advertise in my blog, but they should be. They should be.

Working on the TV and the Xbox, getting the stand set up was quite the puzzle, especially with no real instruction booklet, but I think I figured it out.

I am excited for the show Saturday!

Improv rocks at reducing the stress levels of life, and so does sleep, So I feel pretty good right now, good time to start on those chores I have been putting off. =D

Time for sleep

Another Great day, (3 in a row!) yard work, laundry, chores and studying tomorrow, some improv (yay!) and then who knows.

Finals this week. Just 2 tests and a monologue.

Lots on the mind, hope I can shut the biological machine down long enough to get some decent sleep.

Not gonna lie, I am super jealous of Tony Starks Lab, if I had technology and resources and smarts like that who knows what I could accomplish.

Its 2010, where in the world are teleporters? Or how about robots to do all the work?

Lets take some of the research and development off of phones and put it towards science and engineering of robots, artificial intelligence, time travel etc.

Alas my childhood dream of having a conversation with true AI might never come to be, yea yea yea, humans are ok, but the human brain forgets... little things, unimportant things, but forgotten all the same.

Mind Reading

Sometimes I wish I could read minds, Know what is going on inside of peoples minds when I am not sure. The idea has fascinated me for years. I have even wondered that even if I could read someone's mind what guarantee would I have I could even understand it? How can we know if we think the same way? What if my brother thinks completely in morse code? (-.. .- -- -. / - .... .- - / .-- --- ..- .-.. -.. / -... . / .- / -... .. - -.-. ....) Or in only references to a movie you have never seen? In their own mental language?

For the most part I do not have any problems reading people but lately it seems like my knack is off. The last two - four weeks especially. I have just been having too many moments where I hear the words, recognize their meaning by definition, but know or feel like there is some deeper meaning to them that I am not picking up on.

On the other hand if I could read minds I would be tempted to use it entirely too much. It would take away any surprise or dynamic of a person. Knowing everyones motives, wants, feelings, and intentions all the time, although useful in someways, would take away the spice of life. Even though to have such an ability would allow for massive movements towards any goal (world peace, end of hunger, cure for diseases...) However the trade-off would be a life that is much to 3 dimensional.

I guess there is a certain beauty in not knowing whats going on in someones head. A true freedom that as of yet no one can take away. A certain excitement in having to guess, not knowing for sure, but sometimes, sometimes, I would rather just know.

First real post

This picture was supposed to be later ignore...
Well today was a massive success if I do say so myself! Started off with a large amount of sleep from the night before, woke up energized and ready for the world. Relaxed once again because the dark loom of approaching deadlines to assignments and finals was gone. (well kinda, still have finals.) Had breakfast with good company. Plus bagels so great start of the day.

Work went well, managed to get the whole Friday massive increase in paperwork done, while simultaneously finishing all the training and one on one work with new-hires I did not think I would have enough time to finish. Got some policies that I found misplaced changed slightly to allow more flexibility for those who are faster learners. Had to stand up to both my boss and boss' boss to do this, a little intimidating but it worked out and it was not nearly as bad as I thought it would be. One of the new-hires who I was worried was not gonna make it really rose to the challenge today, He did not quite make the goal I set for him but I have up most confidence that he will make it on Monday. Really good guy, great work ethic, just not quite used to the physicality of the job yet. Really got some great new-hires this swing around.

After work I spent waaaaaaay too much time trying to get my phone to sync with my computer in order to get photos off of it. Gave up for a time and went to eat and hang out with a couple friends from work and their friends. Great company, hilarious all of them! We went and got cigars after dinner and then went off to their house. Keep in mind, I do not know the host or hostess, first time we have met. After taking a short tour around the house, They had cool clocks,

I really was digging their house, the layout and decor. We got to drinking, I had my usual White Russian. Then randomly they asked if anyone wanted a 42" TV, well I was like why are you giving away a 42"TV?? They tell me that it randomly turns off, no set time, just 30 - 40 minutes sometimes longer, and that you have to unplug and replug it in to get it working again. Well I am like heck yes at this point, a built in timer to prevent me from watching TV too long? SCORE! I might never be able to fix it, but getting up and plugging does not seem like much trouble to me. Also maybe I can fix it, we will see. So they say all yours, we are trying to get rid of it.

Above and below are their nifty clocks.

So we take it out to my car, fits snuggly in the back seat, It looks really nice, I haven't tested it yet, project for another day. We go back in and resume drinking and joking, Jason my friend from work started making fun at the situation and me getting a 42 inch TV from strangers, he said something along the lines of next they will give you an XBOX. Phil playing along was like "about time Matt got one." and then the host was like "welllll..." I froze, realized he was kidding internally, he kept going and I had already written it off as a joke, he was talking about how he had an XBOX 360 that worked but the CD drive required a paperclip to open sometimes. That it was just sitting gathering dust because he had just purchased a new one. I still think he is joking... he goes and gets it.... I am baffled. My mind is blown. Just met these two today, such generosity was refreshing to say the least. I decided to comp them in on the next Improv show as thanks, If they show up their tickets are on me, the least I could do. Wish I could do more to be honest. Super nice. I went out just expecting dinner and socialization, I drove home with a 42" flat screen TV with 1080p resolution. Holy Shit. Then an XBOX!

Got home, unpacked, finally figured out how to sync my phone with the computer (took some driver manipulation and some thinking outside the box on my part.)

So here is the original picture that was going to be the focus of my photo blog entry: well it was going to be here but I cant seem to get it down. So it is up top! Next time I am going to upload pictures first, seems easier to structure the blog that way.

JIMMY JOHNS! Right by my house, sprung up out of nowhere, superbly excited. I love jimmy johns. Seeing this on the way to work, what a good day already!

So yea, breakfast, jimmy johns discovery, work, cigars, friends, TV's and XBOX360, Great Day!