"My brain has become a collision course of random thoughts. Some trivial, but some well worth the wonder.

Sometimes I think I'm losing my mind.

I'm not sure of anything anymore. It's the same anxiety I have when I think I've forgotten how to tie my tie or tie my shoelaces or I've forgotten how to swallow my food and I'm going to choke on it.

Three days ago I was standing in front of our bathroom mirror in terror because I couldn't knot my tie. I wanted to say, "Sally, please come in here and help me."

But I couldn't.

What would she have thought?

Last night I spit a piece of steak into my napkin rather than risk swallowing it, because I was afraid I would choke.

Maybe it's trivial and that's why no one wants to talk about it, so I'm talking to myself. No one wants to listen to who we really are. Know somebody really. Know you leave shit stains in your underwear and pick your nose.

Tell a woman you've forgotten how to swallow your food and she's in her car and out of your life before you can say, "Wait, there's more."

Sometimes I have to think about someone else when I'm with you because I'm afraid I won't stay hard if I don't.

Or how much I want to fuck the teenage daughter of the couple that lives three doors down.

How my father takes all the air out of the room and I can't breathe when I'm with him.

How if I could tear my breast open and rip out my heart and feed it to these sea gulls in little raw pieces, that pain would be nothing to the one I already feel, the pain of your betrayal!

How most afraid I am of losing you.

How can I tell you these things and there be love?" --Sam Lips Together, Teeth Apart

by Terrence McNally