Can't help but laugh

Too lazy to make a new blogpost so just gonna recycle a facebook note from earlier today.

It is funny, no really it is. Looking at it objectively I know it is. Subjectively however is a completely different story. Maybe it is supposed to be this way, maybe it is not. It has been this way for a long time, and I have tried so many different ways to remove the issue.
Nothing seems to work.
Sometimes it makes me want to punch walls, flip tables, and destroy anything and everything. I get so frustrated there is no real way to describe. I never do though. Always maintain self control. Always.
Bottle it up, and move on.
Other times I am more apathetic. Only so many times before the jade sets in and I see it, I acknowledge it, but I just dont care. Not anymore. Forget bottling, just damn the damn stream.
No emotion, why feel?
And still there are other times when somehow I get some sick masochistic pleasure out of it. If nothing else it reminds me that I am alive, aware, and still kicking.


But the bottom line is no one really gives a shit. They really dont. Everyday people ask me how are you? How you doing? Do you really think they want the honest answer when it is anything except "I am doing good how about yourself?" Fuck no they dont. Give them your problems and all they will be thinking is who is this person I have enough problems of my own.
Society has trained us to lie. To others and to ourselves.
I used to think maybe there was a way to change this. But the definition of insanity is trying the same thing over and over expecting the same results. I am done. I wish I could just wave my magic wand and change the world, but it seems pretty hopeless to me. Perhaps morality is dead. Perhaps I am hanging on to a dying idea. Perhaps I am just not good enough. I do not know what the reason is, I just know what is. I will destroy it. It will end with me.